Risky Business

December 27, 2007

Warning: Another extremely long post - too much to say, but hey, its your time!

Today we took a risk - actually many risks. We had two tasks planned for the day. Any of you that have been here for an adoption know how ambitious this is. We had planned to go to the orphanage this morning and check Dasha out for good. We would also be giving some of her friends a little going away party. We had planned to be there around 9. No risk involved in this. The big task and big risk was to take Dasha to visit with her Grandmother who lives about an hour away. We had been advised to approach this very cautiously and to consider not doing it at all. We felt like this was something that we wanted to do for her as a going away present. She had also asked about this a couple of weeks before we came. I'll tell you ahead of time that my head is still spinning. Its like waking up from a dream.

Well, let's just say the day didn't start of quite like we had expected. We had a little delay with our 9 AM appointment. So I decided to head down to the "bread store," as we call it. This is one of those places that stops you in your tracks as you are walking down the the sidewalk. It smells so wonderful. Imagine every kind of bread/pastry known to man all displayed out for your choosing. Only problem is that I don't speak Russian very well. So the pastry Nazi likes to keep things moving along and doesn't fancy the point and grunt method of which I am so fond. Anyway, by the time I got there the place had been raided. There were only three things left to choose from. So I bought all of one thing and a few of some others. Stopped by a corner magazine (store), picked up a coke and headed back to the flat.

Two things happened while I was out that are noteworthy:

1. People here are not afraid of the weather - at all. It is nothing to see a mom out strolling her child in the snow or cold or whatever. Now they know how to bundle them up like for real. Remember Ralphie's little brother on The Christmas Story? Yeah, that's it. Those little kids are layered up to the point that the can't bend their arms. They just sit in the little strollers and exist. So I spied a tall slender lady headed down the sidewalk in front of me. She was wearing this elegant fur coat and a stylish hat. At just below the knees were these two blue appendages sticking out like the fingers of a latex glove that somebody inflated. I tried to steal a photo, but just couldn't get into position. It was a classic image.

2. It began to snow again.

Now I've got to say our state is somewhat weather savvy. We've got Spann, the man. There is not a day that goes by that I don't know for a fact what the weather will be doing two or three days out. Here, the weather forecasts that I've been able to get are more like.... oh, I don't know maybe a spin of the ol' weather wheel. I think that they might actually have some type of dart board or maybe the forecast comes from an almanac or something - maybe one of those weather rocks that you can buy at Rock City. It is not accurate. Today was supposed to be overcast - no mention of snow. By 10:00 it was all out blizzard - I know that my blizzard definition would be disappointing to someone from the midwest or north, but for me - if my coat and hat are covered after my little one block walk to the store and back, I declare blizzard! There was a half inch of snow within about 30 minutes and it was beautiful.

So our driver came to get us about noon. By this time there was about an inch and a half of fresh beautiful white snow and it was still coming down. So here's the other thing - I thought these guys handled the snow and driving pretty well. I found out today that it does, in fact, slow them down and they do have accidents. I knew this had to be the case, but I thought there was some elaborate scheme to cover it up or something.

We picked up our facilitator at a bus stop and headed out to Babushka's house - you know over the river and through the woods.... So getting out of town was terrible. We saw two or three car wrecks and then a tractor trailer rig jack knifed. I didn't think this was possible here. An hour into our journey and we were still not out of Zap. BTW, did I mention that there were seven of us packed into this little Korean car - about the same size as a civic or corolla. Sardines doesn't even come close to describing the closeness. Bonding is not the word - maybe fusing. I did discover though that the little space that forms between your knee and your wife's leg and the door makes for a nice cup holder. Dude, I couldn't move, I couldn't breath, if we had wrecked there was no way any of us would have been slung out because we were all unbelievably wedged in. I'm still unfolding parts of my body. Positive spin: I haven't been able to get this close to my wife in a month!

About 40 km out of town the weather began to break a little. We finally made it into the little town - population around 15,000. Now about the risk. I said above that we wanted to do this for her. We also wanted to do it for her Grandmother. We knew that she was fond of her Grandmother but I had no idea of how we would be received or even who would be there. We asked Dasha to call her Grandmother a day ahead of time (no more) to make sure that she was even in town and to see if we could come by. When Dasha called her she put her on speakerphone and we could hear (but not understand) everything that was said. She didn't sound upset, but she did sound surprised. Now we had purposefully waited until everything was finalized before we made this contact. We found out later in the day that Gmommy called the orphanage director to find out why she was not informed about the adoption. UH-OH! Now I'm a little worried. We told her that we would come around noon. I wanted to be a little ambiguous about the time - trying to think like Jason Bourne.

Now we are all praying like mad that God would just breath over this encounter and keep things from getting out of hand. We did know that her mom had some substance abuse problems. We didn't know anything about her dad other than the government didn't even recognize that he existed. (Gmommy is dad's mom.) What if one or both show up? What if something crazy happens like they kidnap her? What if the try to extort us? What if she gets emotionally charged up and changes her mind about the whole thing? This thing could get out of hand in a hurry. Dude, have we lost our mind? This is why we were advised to reconsider.

In my mind, I had decided that my (inflammatory) question would be where have you guys been? Why has she been alone all this time? The other thing that I had in mind was that our driver doubled as a bouncer in a former life. He is awesome! I hope some of you that come after us are able to use him. He's like a grandfather - giving advice to Dasha and telling her along with our other kids when they are getting out of line - just a really good guy. But could he help us in an all out brawl? Man, this is crazy talk! This is risky business.

Well, by this point we are committed. We're an hour and a half into the sardine run and so I think cleverly, why don't we call and check in to see what the temperature is there? Is the welcome mat still out or should we tuck tail and flee back to the city? She was still expecting us and seemed to be ok.

So the plan was to let Dasha and our facilitator go in and check things out. Let them have some time alone. If she was receptive to us, then we would gladly go in for a visit. Otherwise, we would send in the extraction team.

We winded on into town a little past noon. I forgot to mention that Gmommy lives in the same town where we went to get the birth certificate on Monday. This was the site of my Ukrainian coming out party - remember the sausage, pickles and mustard in the car? So the little store where we bought the goods turns out to be on the same street where she lives. So on Monday I was goofing around just a couple of blocks from her home and had no idea. Isn't that just weird?

She told us that she had a green gate. So in just a matter of seconds we were there. It happened so quickly that we didn't really have time to be nervous. We stopped. Dasha and Denis (the facilitator) got out and rang the bell. Wait! Take your gifts in with you. Already in the gate. Wait, Denis is coming back. She said she wanted everybody to come in. OK, Lord here we go. Hope you're already in there cause I know that you couldn't fit in that car with us on the drive down.

First person we see is Babushka. A kind and loving face. Hugs and kisses to go around for all of us. OK, this is good. Inside for meet and greet. Boots, coats, hats, gloves - off at the door. I smell food and I'm hungry. Oh wait, who are you? We meet Aunt Natasha (Dasha's father's sister - still with me?) and her daughter Nastia (Dasha's cousin). She is telling us that Nastia has some health problems and can't walk by herself. She is a beautiful child. She also has the eye disorder which we've seen commonly in children here. What gracious hosts they are? Maybe this is going to be OK.

Sit, sit, sit... it is time to eat.

OK, but we can't stay long, we need to be back at the orphanage in an hour.

We were served borsht, pork fat, a wonderful slaw, bread, potatoes and chicken. Chocolate, oranges and tea to finish up with. Over the meal we were asked several questions. We are asked about Dasha's medical care and school and what Gina does. Mostly just out of curiosity. I suppose I would have questions too if I was in their shoes. They don't know us from Adam and we are taking their precious little girl to another country that they don't know a whole lot about. So in walks some dude and he's big and Russian and in pretty good shape and I'm sizing him up. He's well dressed and introduces himself as Uncle Sasha (Natasha's husband). He is kind and doesn't stay but a second and then leaves again. Hmmm?

Natasha produces a golden ring for Dasha, but it turns out to be too small. I say that we can have it resized in the US. They are concerned that resizing may cause the stone to fall out. What to do? Gmommy begins to pull her gold earrings out to give to Dasha. She says she had been waiting for her 18th birthday, but now would be the time to do it. Oh my. Here we go. I will need to look away or think of a sunny place or something. Let's hold it together now.

Out comes the photo album and we begin to talk about the family. We see photos of her mom and dad. Neither were around and neither were invited anyway, because Gmommy and Natasha were worried that things might get out of hand. Hmmm? Mom is still is around locally, but drinks heavily. She cannot take care of this child. We are told that she was very intelligent as a young lady. No one really knows where dad is. His work takes him from town to town. They think he might be in Kiev, but are not sure. He served some time in the army. Dasha favors him a lot. Especially in the eyes.

Uncle Sasha reappears and he has another gold ring for his niece but larger this time. OK, he's cool. He begins to ask us about our lives and what we do and where we are from. They want to know what natural disasters occur in Alabama. I explained that we had Spann and it was all good - not really. We did tell them about tornados, though. We had to describe to them where Alabama was in relation to the entire US.

Oh wow! This is really going well. Gmommy says that she worried all yesterday and last night about Dasha. Said that she cooked all morning and was nervous about us coming. I feel bad now and apologize. We told her that we were equally nervous, but that God had brought us all together for this purpose at this time.

We are quizzed about our religious beliefs. Natasha asks us about our belief in icons or Jesus. I respond that we believe in Christ. She tells us that they are Orthodox and that they give written prayers to their priest for Dasha and now they have been answered. Oh my. Later, as Natasha is looking through the photo library on my laptop she runs across photos from Ecuador. In particular, she asks about plastic Jesus in the glass coffin. Whew! That took some explaining, but I think I passed.

Uncle Sasha talks to us a little about raising children and how he worries about Dasha and alcohol. He was happy to hear that we didn't keep any at home. As a matter of fact, he gave us a little "Slava Bog" (Praise God) on the deal. He gives Dasha a little advice about thinking about your actions before you do them. This is a good family!

Gmommy explains to us the three eye surgeries she recently had and how she is loosing vision in her left eye. We begin to understand that the reason Dasha was in the orphanage is because there really was nobody that could care for her. We discover that our two hosts initialized the revocation of parental rights petition because it was in Dasha's best interest. They knew that she couldn't stay where she was, but also that they couldn't adequately take care of her either.

So they all decide that they like us - a lot. And the feeling is mutual. Aunt Natasha slips Denis a little under the breath comment about "we really like them" and he goes ahead and translates that for us. Thank you, Lord!

Our time is winding down and we are preparing to leave. Numbers and addresses are exchanged. We are asked when we will be returning. I explained to them how our church fellowship of believers was doing missions all over the world and that Ukraine was definitely a place where we would work. I tell them that it may be a year or so, but that we will be coming back. Gmommy takes us to her bedroom and tells us that the wool rug on the wall is also for Dasha. She says (jokingly I hope) to roll it up and take it with us. We explain our transportation dilemma and how it would ruin on top of the car. It is truly beautiful and has a lot of history in the family. Was traded for a pig and then purchased back somehow. It is an heirloom.

As we wind down we all gather together to pray. I go first thanking God for working all this out. Then Aunt Natasha prays. During her prayer she confesses that she feels a lot of guilt over Dasha's life. Many tears shed here. No sunny place can save me now. I'm engaged. She is such a caring woman and she has a full time job caring for her special needs child and she knows that. Their prayer, like ours, is that God will repay Dasha for the years that were lost in the orphanage. I believe not only that He can but that He will just like in Joel chapter 2.

Our one hour visit is now standing at three and we are calling the punt play on the orphanage visit. So this has been a good day, regardless. I don't regret this visit or this encounter. This family is not unlike our own. In fact, now they are our own. Man, we got some good intel! We know birthdays and addresses. We can send them card and letters. We can call them to check in and to give them updates. Likewise, they have our information. They really took to us - especially Kirby. Remember that gold ring that did not fit? Well, Kirby ended up wearing it home.

What have we learned today? We learned that we share some things in common with this family - a faith in a merciful a caring God and the love for a particular blonde young woman. We learned that our risk was worth the reward. We learned where the breaking point was in the Ukrainian transportation system regarding weather. We learned that God has been ahead of us here for years preparing things to be just so for this day.

The ride home was long. We even were stopped at one point by the police to allow cars to climb a hill slowly so as to avoid any accidents. When we finally got back to some city lights we were amazed at how much it had snowed. The trees looked artificial. Their branches all covered in snow and illuminated by the glow of metal halide bulbs. It was a beautiful ending to a beautiful day.

I stand in awe at the "grace" which was extended to us today.

God, you have been so good to us!

The Grace's